What We Say Around Our Kids – Part 3: Talking About Feelings (Even When We Didn’t Learn How)

About This Series

This post is part of The Mama Assembly’s “What We Say Around Our Kids” mini series, exploring how the words we use shape the way our kids see themselves (and us).

Talking About Feelings (Even When We Didn’t Learn How)

Most of us didn’t grow up with a solid emotional toolkit.
Big feelings were “too much.”
Crying made people uncomfortable.
Anger was labelled as rude or disrespectful.

So now, here we are, parenting in uncharted waters, trying to teach our kids how to name and navigate emotions while still figuring it out ourselves.

Sometimes it sounds like:
“Take a breath, I’m right here.”
Other times it sounds like:
“I have no idea what I’m doing, but let’s figure it out together.”

And honestly, that’s enough.

The Real Talk Bit

When we were kids, emotional conversations often came with rules:

Don’t cry.
Don’t be angry.
Don’t talk back.

But feelings don’t vanish because we silence them, they just learn to hide.

And the longer we ignore them, the louder they get in adulthood.

Now, we have a chance to do it differently.

Not by being flawless emotional gurus, but by showing our kids that feelings aren’t scary, they’re signals.

When they see us pause instead of snap, breathe instead of bottle, talk instead of storm off, they’re learning that emotions aren’t dangerous. They’re just human.

Try This Mini Shift

Instead of saying: “Stop crying.”

Try: “It’s okay to be sad. I’m here.”

Instead of: “Don’t be angry.”

Try: “I can see you’re upset. What happened?”

And when you’re the one feeling big emotions?

Try narrating it out loud:

“I’m feeling frustrated, so I’m going to take a minute.”

It’s messy, but it’s modelling.

✨Mini Challenge

This week, focus on naming one feeling a day, yours or theirs.

You don’t need deep therapy language. “Happy,” “angry,” “tired,” “nervous”, these all count.

Each word builds their vocabulary and your connection.

You’re not just teaching feelings, you’re giving permission to have them.

It’s not about having the perfect response.

It’s about choosing connection over control.

Presence over perfection.

And that? That’s everything.

💬 What’s one phrase you wish you heard more growing up?
Let’s build a better toolkit together.

💡 Read the full What We Say Around Our Kids Series:

• Part 1: The Words They’ll Remember
• Part 2: How “Be Good” and “Be Quiet” Still Echo
• Part 3: Talking About Feelings (Even When We Didn’t Learn How)
• Part 4: Raising Voices That Know Their Worth - drops 19 Nov 2025