Midrising Conversations · Episode 11
Who are you performing for?
At some point in midlife, you stop wanting to audition for your own life.
For years, so many of us play the roles we think we’re supposed to play: the capable one, the successful one, the good mother, the dependable friend, the easygoing partner, the woman who always has everything under control.
Then something shifts. You start caring less about being liked, saying yes because you should, making yourself smaller at work, or chasing things you’re not even sure you want anymore.
In Episode 11 of Midrising Conversations, Gill Townsend and Barbara Scalzi talk about what happens when we stop performing for everyone else and start asking a much more interesting question: who am I when I stop trying to be who everyone expects me to be?
About this episode
Barbara describes it as feeling like she’s spent much of her life on a stage: different stages, different audiences, different costumes, but always some kind of performance.
And that performance doesn’t only happen at work. It shows up in friendships, family life, motherhood, ambition, the endless list of things that need doing and the pressure to remain the person everyone else knows you to be.
Gill and Barbara talk about what changes when you start stepping out of those roles: fewer fucks given about FOMO, friendships shifting, finally feeling able to say no and questioning some of the things you’ve spent years trying to prove.
Because perhaps midlife isn’t about becoming someone new at all. Maybe it’s finally giving yourself permission to stop performing long enough to work out who was underneath it.
In this conversation
- What “performing” looks like in ordinary everyday life
- Why so many of us spend years trying to prove we’re enough
- Friendship changes and caring less about being liked
- FOMO, obligation and finally feeling comfortable saying no
- Being told you’re too direct, too passionate or simply “too much” at work
- Why women are so often expected to soften themselves professionally
- Mental load, burnout and the feeling that your brain has simply run out of storage
- Chasing the next promotion without stopping to ask whether you actually want it
- What happens when you become so good at playing a role that you lose yourself inside it
- Giving yourself permission to stop proving, pleasing and shrinking
This episode is for you if…
You’ve started questioning things you once thought you had to do.
You’re less interested in keeping everyone happy and more interested in being honest about what you actually want.
You’re tired of being told to “be yourself” while simultaneously being asked to tone down the very things that make you good at what you do.
Your friendship circle is changing. Your tolerance for bullshit is shrinking. Your brain feels completely full.
Or maybe you’ve simply reached that glorious midlife point where you’re beginning to think: this is me. You can stick around or you don’t have to.
The Midrising takeaway
Maybe the greatest gift of midlife isn’t wisdom or confidence. Maybe it’s permission.
Permission to stop performing. Stop proving. Stop shrinking yourself to fit inside other people’s expectations. And finally feel a little more like yourself again.
About Midrising Conversations
Midrising Conversations is real talk for women in the middle of everything.
Hosted by Gill Townsend and Barbara Scalzi, these are honest conversations about midlife, work, identity, relationships, reinvention and all the messy bits that don’t fit neatly into an inspirational quote.
No pretending we’ve got it all figured out. Just two women talking about what this stage of life actually feels like while we’re living it.
Keep listening
Catch up on more Midrising Conversations about the stuff that starts shifting when you reach the middle and realise the old rules don’t necessarily apply anymore.
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